"Don't tear other women down, because even if they're not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between criticizing constructively and tearing down cruelly" - Roxane Gay.
UNCOMPLICATED FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS & CONNECTIONS EXIST - once you look beyond the cultural myth that all female friendships/connections are toxic, bitchy or competitive. This doesn’t mean, some of them aren’t. But those characteristics, are not the only way to define female friendships.
I found myself tangled in that myth, all through my early 20s. but gradually realised, the problem wasn’t only the women I was friends with, it was me too. Add on the years, and this thinking evolved, along with my ability to admit and recognise my involvement in the problem.
Now, I was also blessed to find a solid set of women that were like-minded yet different and I want to say that was a major contributor in shaping who I became.
We’ve been conditioned to believe if a certain woman is good at something, she owns that space and she is THE ONLY ONE who can be good at it.
if she’s a baker and you do it, you will be nothing but a close second.
if she’s a fashion influencer, you can’t, cause that’s ‘her’ thing.
if she’s a lawyer, and you want be one too, the only way forward is competition.
In the wise words of Dwight K. Schrute: FALSE.
MORE THAN ONE OF US CAN BE GOOD AT THE SAME THING. AND SUCCEED.
The key is collaboration.
I was introduced to this kind of thought process first, by my Mother. She’s a big believer in - do what you want to do, ask for help when you need and give it when the need arises, and watch how far you get by staying humble. This was amplified when I had jobs with females bosses that provided a similar level of encouragement and trust in my ability to do things. While displaying the same level to other women in my team, as I observed.
I further saw this in the female friendships I made - there was constructive criticism, along with a lot of cheerleading and accomplishment celebrations.
HOWEVER, there were also many times we've/I’ve torn women down, criticised, gossiped and judged. Not only have I done it, but I’ve also been a silent accomplice on many occasions. Not proud of it. But it has happened. I’ve watched other women explore their passions, chase unconventional dreams, off-beat professions, dare to be different and I have made remarks I am not proud off. I’ve also been a little jealous. I still am sometimes. I’ve made half-hearted attempts to ‘be better’ and failed gloriously.
Now, while rectifying these actions and behaviours is an on-going process, I know for a fact, smaller actionable steps help…
I wanted to use Life & Lemonade as a platform to amplify a handful of women I know/have been introduced to/know through friends and colleagues that are doing wonderful things and absolutely crushing it. So here goes…
Nikki Instagram: @nikki_clicks Website: nikkiclicks.ca
Location: Toronto
a photographer with excellent attention to detail and always weirdly crouching to take the best pictures
Hazel Instagram: @pelvicrehabpt Location: Toronto a no-nonsense physiotherapy session with this master with change the way you sit, literally. She will find whatever the muscle and stretch it good.
Flavia Instagram: @saltbyflavia Location: Mumbai HER CAKES ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD. PERIOD
Trishita - Nuance Consultancy Instagram: @nuance_consultancy Website: www.nuanceconsultancy.in Location: Mumbai co-founded her own boutique digital agency. Boss babe. Is currently hiring. check them out!
Jolanda Instagram: @jolanda_thesewingstudio Location: Mumbai While never personally had anything tailored with here, my sister has, and her work and work ethic is nothing short of amazing.
Patricia & Danielle Instagram: @customcakesbypnd Location: Toronto I’ve had 2 wedding cakes and 3 birthday cakes made by them, I think that summarises how good they are! Must try!
Anandini Instagram: @onefamilysoupkitchen Location: Mumbai I only know Anandini through a friend & her initiative is commendable and honest. Feeding the less fortunate delicious meals.. Please support this cause if you can! (she does this while juggling several other things)
Elizabeth Instagram: @foodielizzy
Location: US
A schoolmate whose well-done videos bring back instant home food feelings with simple recipes to follow.
Reema Instagram:@reema.dcruz.9 Location: Mumbai Even though she will never promote herself, her cakes are AMAZING, each one done with utmost dedication & precision. AND they taste delicious too.
Nicole Instagram: @foodshotlover Location: Toronto Website: foodshotlover.com She married her love for photography and food, turning it into a beautiful passion project. Some of her food stylings & shots are irresistible
Chryselle Instagram: @chryscreation
Location: Mumbai Website: www.chryscreation.com
All of us think we can craft. but she actually CAN. Her orders seem so organized and on time always. kudos!
Malaika Instagram: @malaika.adele.dsouza Location: Toronto a newly minted real estate agent, setting a great example for all immigrants in Canada. Looking to buy or rent in Toronto, get in touch with her.
Chryslynn - Serein Instagram: @sereininc Location: Bangalore Website: www.serein.in Co-founder of a company that helps you identify unconscious biases at workplaces while guiding you to be more inclusive. much much needed.
Maithili Instagram: @ecoindianenfrance Location: France Encouraging sustainable fashion through her online thrift store while sustainably renovating her home in France with very useful tips!
Shaunna Instagram: @hair.by.miller Location: Toronto A patient and GREAT hairstylist that makes genuine recommendations and always leaves you with useful & practical hair care tips.
Keshia Instagram: @thekeshiab Location: Mumbai
A schoolmate of mine with the VOICE OF AN ANGEL.
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