Sharing one of my life's most altering experiences with the hope that I reach people in similar situations and let them know that we're not alone. Hope is the only thing that we can hold on to.
𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒓: She suffers from a unique brain degenerative condition and started to decline just about 6 years ago.
It all started 6 years ago...
I was in the prime of my 20s.
It’s when you explore, enjoy and experiment.
You want to tell you mom everything, yet not everything (you know what I mean.)
Moms can be incredible shopping buddies, the only ones that give you a brutally honest opinion, right?
They just know when a friend is being phoney, even if you’ve not realised it just yet.
They are the ones to nag you about losing those extra pounds while stuffing you with your favourite foods.
Well, my mid-twenties, we not at all like I imagined with my Ma.
They were not all of the things I wanted or hoped for.
I got - visits to doctors, the hunt for new ones, the scans, the disappointing results, the new developments.
Rinse. Repeat. It was unbearable at first, but it was her determination and perseverance to fight it, that made us, as a family look for a rhythm.
We were creating a ‘new normal’ long before it was cool.
So here’s what I would have loved you to see, had things turned out differently...
Ma, you would be so damn proud of me!
I’ve become as brave as I’ve seen you all my life
I’ve become about 1/10th as creative as I’ve seen you (Naomi took the rest of that creativity and is crushing it!)
I learned to love as unconditionally as you - I married someone who does the same
I have a somewhat neat handwriting - my to-do lists look like your quintessential ones - amidst your job at the bank, 2 kids and a whole house that constantly annoyed you.
I have learned never to give up, just like you - be it the quest to lose weight or finish a bag of chips
I definitely have picked up on your utter need for cleanliness all the time - I get my OCD from my mama
I have learned to chose only what makes me happy, even if it doesn’t make me as popular - be it friends, parties, jobs or even electives in university
I wish I could have you participate in all of this, I wish I could pick up the phone and cry to you on bad days and laugh with you on the stupid ones.
I’ve got many many golden moments with you, every single call I make today, is so precious to me, but there’s a different beauty in the ordinary things. Vanilla stuff like a simple ‘How are you Zeenu?’ text.
I would kill for one of those today!
know I am not the only one going through something like this, heck, there are people suffering through worse. But I hope my personal experience in someway serves as a reminder to all of you that take the time to read it -
Life’s a bunch of fleeting moments, chose to make the one’s with your mom the best. Annoy her (it’s pretty rational to do so, she will return the favour), confide in her, laugh with her and at her too, when she is being unreasonable, listen to her, hug her, reply to her elaborate 3 min video forward, like her embarrassing Facebook comments and if you don’t live with her, make the time to visit her!
Hey look Ma I made it, and I miss your vibrant, commanding voice and that grin every single day.
I hate that it had to be your brilliant brain that started to give-up...
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