Recently, I was in conversation with someone pretty close to me and they asked me about my mom’s health and how I was doing as a result of it. My instantaneous response was: “ I’m dealing the best I can, at the end of the day, someone probably has it worse than me and I don’t want to complain too much”
What happened next was much needed, this individual absolutely called me out in a manner that was both assertive & full of concern - Zenia, of course, several people have it worse than you, but you don’t have to trivialize your situation because of that. You have it pretty hard too.
Was I really trivializing my situation? To an extent - yes. But why?
and more importantly, was I doing this across different facets of my life? Hardships are one thing, but was I following the same methodology for my achievements? my professional life?
No points for guessing the answer here - of course, I was!!
Not to blame my upbringing or schooling or general growth environment, but if you really think about it, we are super conditioned to downplay so much in our lives that actually should either be worked on or celebrated.
I do not know how or when this started, but it has successfully infiltrated every aspect of my life. I very generously downplay my achievements - personal and professional, sometimes for fear of coming across as boastful or proud, and other times, it’s kinda like second nature and I do not know why.
It’s kinda like ‘what’s legal but feels illegal - achievement edition’ that includes: A compliment from someone, a word of praise, or a callout on a job well done.
I respond awkwardly to compliments or praise and worse still, I will follow that up almost instantaneously with a comment driving away from the subject - which is me. On occasions where the achievement is more personal - my infamous celebratory pep talk to myself includes - well, okay what’s next, everyone does this, it probably was so easy that’s why you could do it.
^^ See what I’m talking about?
I may be going out on a limb here, but I have a feeling, I am not alone in this particular behavioural phenomena.
Don’t misinterpret this to be a lack of motivation or ambition. Achieving something can go hand in hand with unlocking your next goal or pushing yourself further. But that doesn’t give us a free ticket to downplaying the current achievement.
Switch over to hardships - same story. ‘Oh someone else has it worse for sure’ ‘I think I’m over-reacting’
‘Maybe this is because of something I did in the past. I ought to suffer in silence’
‘I can’t always talk about it to others, what will they think’
Yes, others have can have it worse, and no sometimes you are not over-reacting but simply reacting to a supremely hard circumstance or situation. AND YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO.
Do not misinterpret this as me saying - please wallow in self-pity all the time.
this is about better acknowledging your situation while establishing that others can be going through this too, but it’s not about them right now. it’s about you and how you can deal with it or make it better.
All of this, however, does beg the question - how do we draw the line between trivializing something and making a bigger deal than it is? Because if we are being honest, there are people that belong to both groups here and sometimes there is a cross over too. I do not have the right answer and nor will I attempt to pen anything down, because I am not qualified to do so, especially for anyone besides myself.
However, I am using this as a medium to remind you - the next time you trivialize an achievement or hardship (and you will for sure!) take it back. check yourself. hold yourself accountable for that conditioned behaviour.
I’m starting right now - for all those who have told me, they love the way I write my Life & Lemonade posts and I have only managed to say - oh you are too nice for saying that or it’s very sweet of you, but I’m trying.
Well, today I want to genuinely say thank you, I have been working hard on this writing, so it feels great to hear that.
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