I'm REALLY here if you want to talk, but also offering to help the best way I can with the time and means I've got!
“I’m here if you need to talk” & 5 other similar offerings have been overused by all of us and are now beginning to sound increasingly superficial. (IMHO)
Bad things were always happening to good people, but then the pandemic happened to all of us and it somehow got worse.
Besides my own personal stuff, 80% of the news I got was some version of bad (20% was great and I'm not negating that at all)
Someone had lost their dad, someone else lost their best friend, yet another lost a job, someone had a stroke, someone had severe panic attacks, for another, the loneliness got to them, but the sad common denominator here was - at some point I found myself using the following or some rendition of it:
I’m here for you.
I’m here if you need to talk
I’m here if you need anything at all
Don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need anything
Even though the emotion and offers were 100% real, it just started to feel superficial after a point. Like I was making empty promises. While I WAS there to talk and help if they needed me, I wondered was that enough or even what they needed? (from me!?)
I’ve had numerous people, especially over the last year, with golden intentions say the same to me, while I appreciated it, after a point, it was just something you expected to hear. I’m absolutely not taking away from the fact that the offer was genuine and coming from a place of concern.
It did get me thinking, was there anything else I could say or offer? something more concrete or more specific perhaps?
Truth is, I don’t fully know.
But there was an important takeaway here born out of a very personal experience - Do not offer to help, if you actually cannot.
Schedules get busy and often it’s not physically possible to be there when they need you, but if you do offer to help - make it a concrete and more specific offer, a very simple example would be - I can pick up groceries for you on Thursday instead of, I can get you groceries anytime. Your anytime and their anytime may not always align. While this is a basic example, the critical lesson is - you are offering not just help, but hope to that person, so not falling through on it, could be in many instances more devastating to them than you anticipate.
So, a more concrete offering to help. Something that we can really follow through on.
Respecting everyone’s process of dealing, I’d like to share a small list of deeds I’ve tried to put into practice, that I assume would/could help. This is based on several factors like proximity, the relationship, comfort level, the gravity of the situation itself.
Some may want to talk about it - make time to come through on that ‘I’m here if you need to talk”
Some may enjoy a surprise box of cookies. If I can, I am trying to send some
For some people, giving them their space is important and what they need, so I’ve started to pay closer attention to pick up on that
If family is as far away as mine, Amazon deliveries can help!
I’ve started to ask if I can help with something specific, like be at a place for them, pick up something, get a contact for something. You never know until you ask and make it a specific ask.
Lastly and most importantly, praying for them. Not just saying it, but actually doing it.
I may be wrong about this, but I sure as hell want to try, because god knows with the barrage of bad news coming in regularly these days, the only thing we can do is hold out hope and try and be better humans every day.
Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, 'It will be happier.'
Comments