Everyone has an experience or story to share & I'm here to serve as a medium! The very first guest writer is a young, feisty new mom dishing out some real talk about her pregnancy, alone in a country without family and in a pandemic! - @shantalcardoz
I watched her courageously navigate her first pregnancy in a new country, during a pandemic with family across the globe and she did it with a smile. When she told me, she would love to share her experience in the hope to help other young moms, I knew that Life & Lemonade would be perfect.
𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘰𝘻 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭:
Pregnancy made me a math whiz because while everyone asks you how many MONTHS, you quickly learn to start calculating in weeks - 9months < 42 weeks. Besides the points I've shared, one golden rule to live by is - Spend time as a family – the three of us have got to spend the last 6 months together as a family. We’ve grown closer and can now almost read each other’s next move without having to say much. While everyone (and I literally mean everyone), will have some well-meaning (read unwarranted) advice to share on how you should raise YOUR baby, trust yourself and your partner to know what’s best. It’s great to get tips from more experienced family and friends but never quieten that mama instinct you have! Remember, you spent 10 months growing that beautiful life inside you!! There is absolutely nothing you cannot do.
First pregnancy in a pandemic done and dusted!
Was it one of my best experiences - HELL YES
Of course, it wasn’t a bed of roses, but I wanted to share some of the things that absolutely stood out. Things my numerous hours of research or books or motherly advice didn’t really highlight, with the hope that this helps to-be moms out there!
So here’s a sincere account of a newly minted 30-year-old mom, living in Canada (since 2018) with 99% of family on the other side of the globe. This is MY journey through the 10 months of pregnancy - yes you read that right, it's not 9 but 10, and so we come to the first realization I had post that pee on the stick!
Establishing ground zero: Our journey through unchartered territory (aka first time pregnancy) began around early May 2020. The pandemic was in full throttle & we found ourselves grappling with a new normal. With the borders now closed, any glimmer of hope we had of our parents being here to assist was quickly squashed. (Bummer #1)
Keeping the Baby” + OBGYN
At my first appointment, my doctor had a very candid conversation with me about "keeping the baby". The brown girl in me was totally aghast,but the progressive me realized the choice that I was being given. Not a conversation that would have even occurred back in my home country. Now, I was informed my 1st appointment with the OBGYN would only be post 20 weeks!!! Whaaaaattt!!! you think you would get to chose your doctor. BUT BUT BUT you soon learn you will only be referred to an OBGYN and that I couldn’t select the doctor that was going to deliver my baby – the most precious person in my life!
Enter Mid-Wives
An alternative to having an OBGYN was having a midwife deliver my baby. My automatic (read uninformed) thought - "Isn't a midwife so old school? Wouldn't it be a no-brainer to go with the OBGYN?” After endless research and talking to a few people I came to my decision & opted for a midwife. It is important to do your own research and figure out which health care provider works best for you. And no you do not have to have your baby at home with a mid-wife!
The Emotional Quotient.
There was a whole lot of focus on emotional support. It was refreshing and also heartwarming to hear my doctor repeatedly ask the questions to ensure I would be well cared for by my support system - again something that is often overlooked. DO NOT ONLY ASK ABOUT BABY, CHECK-IN ON MOM TOO.
Ultrasounds - the Ultimate countdowns
Every ultrasound felt as if I was "visiting" my baby. Unfortunately, I was all alone - thank you Covid and maskless idiots. (big bummer #2) Here’s another interesting revelation - I was told "You only have a limited number of ultrasounds". My immediate response "if my final ultrasound is in my second trimester - how do I know baby's doing okay? What if something is wrong and we miss it because there are no more ultrasounds?" Sounds scary no doubt, but I was taught how to monitor the baby's movements and when to visit the emergency room if necessary. Protocols and systems aside - this was low-key very daunting.
Gestational Diabetes - biggest bummer.
Your initial gestational diabetes test results can be wrong!! My first test came back negative - it was a regular blood test, it was only when I was made to do the entire work up (drinking that ‘wonderful’ sugar drink) that it was positive – in the months that followed brussel sprouts, kale and broccoli were my companions
The Expectation to be as calm as Dalai Lama
Expectation: remain happy, calm & stress-free as your mental and physical health impact your baby.
Reality: as a first-time mom during a raging pandemic with minimal family present, a husband that had just been laid off and a father-in-law with a post-COVID stroke a million miles away, being in a yogi state was near impossible.
Silver Lining: Your baby is more resilient than you can ever imagine - so even if you have a few rough days or weeks, he/she is going to be just fine!
Surprise Surprise - Your Water May Not Break!
Yes, that’s right! Your water need not break for you to be in active labour – an interesting fact I learnt while in labour- we were waiting for it to break, that dramatic moment never arrived. Hours later & a quick examination by my midwife revealed I was already 6cms dilated and as she so calmly put it ‘having this baby tonight!! She ended up having to break my water for me – which looking back was not as scary as it sounds
LABOUR
Pooping on the delivery table - totally normal and turns out no one cares – in fact you will probably be asked to "push like you need to poop" because contrary to what all movies / TV shows showcase about labour - screaming while pushing does nothing besides use up all your energy.
Food To Fuel up!!
Carry food with you to the hospital - a midnight birth and postpartum sutures meant we got to our room at 3am, with the hospital cafeteria closed there was no food in sight. My midwife was an absolute saviour and got us a sandwich to share. SO CARRY FOOD.
Breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks.
Regardless of whether you choose to BF or not, it’s totally okay and does not reflect on your capabilities as a mom! Most importantly you do not need to justify your choice of feeding vs formula to anyone! I found that most people would ask whether baby was being fed formula or breastmilk but never checked if baby and I were healthy and happy as a result of this choice. Make sure to be at peace with YOUR choice and understand that fed is best - whatever you decide, as long as baby and you are healthy and happy is all that matters
Your Beautiful Body
It is totally okay to grieve the body you once had and have now lost. People will talk about the miracle of child birth and how amazing a woman's body truly is, while all of that stands true it doesn't take away from the reality that your body is no longer as it were. Stretch marks, sagging belly, weight gain and hair loss are all very real. Take the time to get acquainted with the new you while not giving in to the notion of "bouncing back" as soon as possible.
Normalize Stretch Marks!!
yes, I have them because I grew a baby inside me not for a day not for a week but for 38 weeks and 3 days to be precise. My stretch marks are a testament to every ache, pain, sacrifice and joyful moment that I experienced during that time.
So why is it, that we live in a society that focuses on getting rid of them? If you're one of the few that made it through your pregnancy without a single stretch mark, that's great! But for those of us aka the vast majority who have a ton of them - let's start to normalize it.
Postpartum depression is very real
And very possible - unlike what the generation before us might say - it is possible to be sad despite having a "bundle of joy" in your arms. We were lucky to have our midwives & doctors constantly check in about my mental state. Including my husband in the talks about PPD was comforting as it ensured that he too knew what to look out for when interacting with me. PPD can affect your spouse too - while my husband would constantly joke that he was just the " contributor" in all this, his role was far more significant - from preparing meals around my diet restrictions, waiting in the parking lot while I went to appointments, being by my side during my 24hour long labour to changing baby's diapers and staying up nights when I couldn't - he did it ALL. Society tends to undervalue and often even undermine the role of the partner - viewing them as incompetent and unknowing of all things babies. Given a chance though, your partner can prove to be an immense source of strength and support. This also means that your SOF often goes through the emotional highs and lows with you - it's important to check in on their mental and emotional state.
Comments