Broaching a touchy topic here, but a necessary one, so bear with me.
I’ve grown up listening to ‘Blood is thicker than water’ which has always translated to: family > every other relationship.
and I’ve tried to diligently follow it, because I’ve seen my parents do it, and naturally thought it was the only way. But through the years, as my relationships evolved and more importantly my view of the world, I started to identify toxic traits in family relationships and the widely adopted solutions were either (a) sweep it under the rug in order to maintain the ‘equilibrium’ (b) cut off from that relationship completely. No middle ground.
Now in my thirties, while setting boundaries and being more intentional with my relationships, a friend corrected me about this very infamous phrase we so loosely use. It originally goes like this - “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
WHICH IS EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF HOW WE’VE BEEN USING IT.
It focuses on bonds that you choose to build that are more important that the ones you could be born into. Do not misconstrue this into thinking I am dissing my family relationships or I have an issue with them. I just think it’s time we all acknowledge that it’s okay not to have a great relationship with every family member if there is no mutual respect and understanding or even any empathy.
You may be bound to a family, but that doesn’t automatically mean anything flies. Any relationship takes work and family isn’t and shouldn’t be any different. It’s a two-way street that should be paved with communication and general respect, no matter the age of the individuals.
I share some great relationships with some of my cousins and I’ve seen those evolve over time, some have gotten stronger and upon reflection, I’ve noticed, those are relationships where both parties have put in the effort - to keep in touch, to check-in, to listen et al. I’ve found myself making an effort with family that I’m now related to, through marriage, but that effort comes easily because it’s being reciprocated. On the flip side, I’ve also drifted away from family members and that has eaten at me for far too long, because of the misconception that family is always supposed to stick together. I am not advocating anyone cut ties with that family, but you also don’t have to bend over back for people that are consistently toxic with no regard for your own mental health and well-being.
That being said, relationships can do a complete 180 too. People can change. An effort can be put in and family can be everything. You can be the person that does a 180 too. It’s only a matter of realization.
And then there’s the family you pick up along the way. Friends that become family and even co-workers that become family. This doesn’t make it any less meaningful.
We cannot negate the value of these relationships just because they are not bound by blood, in the same way, that we must not allow relationships bound by family to take precedence even when extremely toxic.
Because remember…
“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
One of my goals with Life & Lemonade has been to highlight #PeopleIAdmire and in keeping with that, I want to highlight a few relationships both family and otherwise that I truly admire and that serve as great examples to me: a) Jude & his Aunt Fiona: a wonderful aunt & nephew relationship b) Elsie & Aunty Viv: sisters c) XE boys: a bond that is definitely thicker than blood d) My mother-in-law and all her siblings (and their spouses): talk about a strong family bond e) Leslie & Joel: best second uncle and nephew relationship f) Esther & Meagan: exemplary examples of friends turned family g) Nirav, Punya & Siddesh, Debolina: a wonderful siblings and their spouses' story over here h) My dad & his sisters: thick as thieves i) My in-laws & my parents: an excellent example of a bond born out of a marriage. j) My neighbours and my family: big shoutout to the whole fifth floor here! They have been there for each other in so many ways.
k) Erica, Reema & Reshma: sisters
l) Last but not least, my girls & me - Anushka, Chryslynn, Shantal, and Laurette. A bond forged in college that has grown through many ups and downs these past 15 years.
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