An open letter to everyone that has asked - Why you are not coming home this year/for the holidays?

Dear everyone that has asked,

Happy Holidays! I write on behalf of a bunch of us that couldn’t/decided not to fly back to our home country this year (from various parts of the globe.) I want to start by acknowledging that we know your question comes from a good place - a place of love and concern. I figured our answers are always a version of - not this year, maybe later or sadly no. But in reality it is far more nuanced than that and I am taking a solid moment to expand on it today. Please do not mistake our not coming home as a sign that we do not care - we do. very much. However, our decision to come home is never based on one factor alone. It’s a sweet medley of things and while it may seem pretty standard, it’s very different for all of us. This year alone, I’ve spoken to several friends that wanted to fly home, but just couldn’t for reasons ranging from work issues to financial security, besides the whole on-going pandemic.

For some of us it’s not being able to get sufficient time away from work to justify a trip home that is relaxing yet short, because we want a vacation too. For some others it’s not being able to take on that expense. It is never a cheap affair coming to India from anywhere in the world and given the current international travel scenario, you have to have x2 of those expenses ready. Not something everyone can manage or is comfortable with. For some others, it’s aligning events that coincide with vacation days + getting back in time. For yet some others, it could be expiring passports, little of no family left, a health issue they do not want to discuss. Sometimes it’s the stress of undertaking a long journey coupled with on-going other life stresses that they do not want to discuss.

The list goes on… But we are not always comfortable explaining every bit of it via text or at the very moment we are asked about it - hence the more generic answers.

I do want to address what that question makes us feel though - horrible. that’s what we feel. We are already beating ourselves up about not being able to come home for a special occasion or just to see our family, and being bombarded with that question just makes us feel worse. Even if the intention sometimes is just to make small talk.

Now let me also address the elephant in the room - there are so many people doing it though. We see countless people flying home on the regular. Well, I would like to highlight that what you are seeing is the over-represented 1-5% that can. Not taking anything away from them, but you gotta understand that it’s never a level playing field. there is always more to it than what meets the eye.

So the next time you want to ask anyone not in their home country why they ain’t making a trip for the holidays, take a moment to rephrase that, or just express yourself better if you miss them.

In all honesty, when we find the perfect opportunity to come home, we will be shouting it from the mountain tops, and not keeping it under wraps - trust us on that.

Hoping you understand where we are coming from and we want to see you all as much as you want to see us.

Sincerely,

Everyone not coming home for the holidays.